I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
