You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
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