I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
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