Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
