Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Terrible idea I love it
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
