loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
