i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
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