I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
