Nicole vs. Life
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
