I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
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