Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
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