Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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