Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize
