That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
