no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
