Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
