oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
he was CRYING into my vagina
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
