There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Bring me that man meat
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
