I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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