Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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