We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
