I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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