her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Let the clothes fall where they may.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
