i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
