I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I have aggressive nipples.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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