Ok let me ask a question, does aderall make women less apt to have sex?
Cause it just destroys penises
Was that inappropriate? I can't gauge these things anymore
Can i not drive my cunt home
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Randomize
