I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Randomize
