I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
