4 words: hood of his car
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
