We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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