What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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