lets start a swedish sibling band together
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
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