What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
