Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
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