Can i not drive my cunt home
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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