the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
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