Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Randomize
