I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I am midnight drunk by noon
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
