you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Randomize
