And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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