sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
