I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
