I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
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