Define "chronic" masturbator.
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize