Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
