I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
cat food counts as protein by the way
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
