you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
He shit in the fireplace
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
