I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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