I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Randomize
