just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Randomize
