Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
that may or may not have been my penis.
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