explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
