I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
