there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
