I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Randomize
