I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Randomize
